So what's new with Mrs. Eybrow? Well I have about fourteen knit projects currently going on. I bought materials to sew a quilt for Esme and also bought fabric to make her a robe. She is growing up SUPER fast by the way. She is a little Chatty Cathy, and Singing Cathy, and Yelling Cathy... She is also giving her mother and Jason and I a run for our money with regard to discipline. My husband told me she got three corners this morning for naughty behavior, and that was after I left for work.
We are also potty training. Which has turned into an exercise in which Esme says she needs to use the bathroom, she gets on the toilet, nothing happens, and she asks for a piece of chocolate. (Yes, bribery is an approved potty-training method.)
Here is Esme being read to from her new favorite book. The weird stuffed animal she is holding is actually the star of the book, Skippy Jon Jones, a Siamese cat who spends all his time imagining he were something else. Watch as she raptly pays attention to the story. Not bad for a two year old. Added bonus: you get to hear Jason's "mom" voice, as well as his rendition of a Hispanic accent.
Oh, and I have changed jobs again. I am the Membership Outreach Manager for the Minnesota State Bar Association. It is a non-practicing job, and doesn't even require a JD. I grew up wanting to be a lawyer. I always thought that meant helping clients and appearing in court. Should I had a crisis of faith in third year about the practice of law in general, but I just chalked that up to general bitterness and exhaustion.
Turns out, those feelings might have gone deeper. After a year of practicing in a few different fields, I was miserable still. Constantly stressed, my stomach and throat were always tight with anxiety. I hadn't slept well in ages and often woke up in the middle of the night, unable to fall back asleep. Meanwhile, Jason and I discussed the possibility of little ones in the not-too-distant future. Seeing as how I couldn't go a weekend without doing some type of work, and none of my employers offered health coverage or vacation, let alone maternity leave, that prospect seemed remote.
To top it all off, I have no ability to set boundaries with clients (and struggled setting boundaries with unreasonable employers). I have a serious guilt complex. So when a client is calling at 7:30 on a Wednesday or has an emergency Friday evening that I can't do anything about til Monday morning, I would feel terrible. "Bad lawyer, what's wrong with you?!" Added to that was the fact that most of my clients have been low income, ill/disabled or both. Anyone who spends a significant time of their practice in that area knows that these types of clients are almost always in crisis--not through any fault of their own necessarily. It all makes for a very exhausting and emotionally draining career.
So when I saw the listing for a Membership Outreach Manager at the bar association, I grasped for it. And after some jostling and toggling, I am here now. I have to say that it has been an absolute blessing. I am working for a great company (still a non-profit!) with great benefits AND vacation! Obviously those aren't the only important things to me, but after the last year they certainly are.
And I can leave work at work at the end of the day. I have noticed an actual, physical change. I am no longer plagued by daily anxiety attacks. Sometimes I check in with myself during the day and can't believe how easy it is to breathe.
Now I am not naive enough to think everything will always be peaches, but my quality of life has increased exponentially. I was worried and getting down on myself thinking I left practice because I just wasn't tough enough. Apparently this is a genetic thing because my father did that self-doubt thing for years. When I told him about it, he told me to "knock it the fuck off," and told me what a great opportunity this was and how well it fit with my skills.
I am glad I listened to him [for once]. And like he said, I have 40 years to practice law if I want.
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